XiaolinMama

Is Baby Ashari okay?: Reflections of a hurricane relief worker

I’ve been watching the coverage on Hurricane Katrina’s two year anniversary with great interest.  I had worked at the Red Cross  before and was called to work in one of the largest shelters outside of New Orleans for two weeks.  While there I wrote my first blog, it is horribly written.  The pictures are from my cell phone, but you can check it out here.  It was my first foray into writing and really served as a way to document my experiences, the great people I met and the fear, vulnerability and uncertainty we all felt. 

I was there when Hurricane Rita came through again.  I was one of the few Californians, who kept close to the ex-military Red Cross shelter director.  I confided that “Californians don’t do hurricanes, just earthquakes”.  As much grief as the Red Cross has received (much of it well deserved) what these mostly untrained people from all over the world were able to pull off was amazing.

Aside from helping with the feeding line, I spent much of my time working with media to help get their stories.  I introduced reporters to clients and connected them to resources.   I help to facilitate people finding their loved ones – pets included.  Being Asian, I was the “face of the Red Cross” for Japan, which is funny because I don’t even speak Japanese or are even of Japanese decent. I was the lone Asian face on staff.

I became friends with Hurricane survivors, cried with them, played games with 4 year olds, read stories to 6 year olds, spent my own money to buy supplies for a true hero and stood in awe of their courage. (I know I would have crumbled if I found myself in the same situation.) I left inspired to hug my kids harder, tell my family I loved them more often and appreciate everything I have on a daily basis. 

It is two years later and news shows report that surviviors are still in FEMA issued trailers I saw being hauled in.  Many of “my shelter kids” are probably not in neighborhood schools because less than half are open.  I wonder what happened to James, who saved his entire apartment building and got a job cleaning the rubble up for $15.00 an hour without any protective gear.  I know the media often misses the story, but I have no doubt that they have gotten this story right. We have forgotten these Americans. (Although Oprah and many national news outlets are there this week.) 

Living in Silicon Valley and raising kids, it is SO easy to forget about these folks.  We get so caught up in our lives filled with carpools, soccer games and business meetings.  I often feel guilty for having so much and helpless that I can’t do more.

I try to remember what one grandmamma told me as I read to her grandbaby, Ashari, on the morning of my last day.  She said,

“Miss Sheila, you go home and take care of your own babies as best as you can, hug them and love them and do right by them. We here are in a fine mess, but we’re survivors.  I still have my babies and we’ll be okay.  Your time here was a gift to my Ashari – you go on now, be a momma and keep us in your prayers.”   

I’m not convinced I did everything I could, but I can share their story so that Hurricane  Katrina survivors have a face and name.  I am humbled by this grandmamas generosity to me. I do keep them in my prayers.  I hope you can continue to send your positive energy too!  Being a good momma, well that is something we all can do.

If you are inclined and want to help, here are some agencies that are focused on helping children and families affected by Hurricane Katrina:
Children's Bureau
Big Brother Big Sisters
Catholic Charities
House of Ruth
YMCA
Lower Ninth Ward Neighborhood Empowerment Network Association - BTW, They need help from someone to help them get their Word Press blog up and running.

This photo is from the Digital Memory Bank Project. 

John was one of the first artists to help with the project. He immediately drew a picture about the National Guardsmen who rescued him. John returned a few days later and was thrilled to see his picture transferred onto fabric and incorporated into one of the quilts.

Citation Information:

Katrina's Kids Project, "Rescue." Hurricane Digital Memory Bank, Object #2805 (August 21 2006, 2:47 pm)<http://www.hurricanearchive.org/object/2805>

Uber-caretaker needs a glass of wine ASAP

I need a super giant glass of fine red wine – okay, maybe a bottle. I am in Los Angeles this week with my 78 year-old father-in-law who is having surgery on Monday. I am along to make sure recovery goes smoothly. We'll take all the lit candles, good energy and prayers you can send our way. My mother in law passed away a few years ago and I naively promised on her death bed that I would take care of her son (my husband) and husband, Jack. I know, what was I thinking?

On the most part it is no burden. We are family – it is what we do, right? In the Filipino culture, elders move in with their children. There is no question, nothing to discuss. It just happens. I love Jack – foibles and all. But he is not Filipino, he doesn't have that expectation. Actually living with us is probably the last thing he would want to do.

In the past few months, he has been diagnosed with some cognitive brain damage. He doesn’t have dementia/Alzheimer’s but it is often a precursor. His doctor has said it is a matter of time. For a man, who always prided himself on being a conversationalist, well read and worldly. It has been difficult to watch him have challenges finishing sentences and relaying stories and struggle with everyday tasks. Maybe we are just noticing it, but his decline has been steep in the last few months.

He is very active. He volunteers 3 days a week at a senior food pantry. He does yoga, is a library regular and goes ballroom dancing almost every day. On one hand, he is the epitome of a spunky senior. His days are his own. What a wonderful place to find yourself. I wish I could say my days were the same.

On the other hand, the brain damage means sometimes things around the house don’t get done; like managing his money and cleaning his home. Often he forgets the task at hand, starts one thing and digresses to another never finishing the task. He calls my husband and I and relays the same story three or four or five times. (Hey, maybe that explains MY own problems.)

My husband and his brother have really pitched in to help dad. (As much as men can and know how; but that topic is worthy of its own post) We're working on getting a handle on the state of his health care, are working on figuring out the finances and are having conversations about what future housing and care arrangements options are available. I am proud of “us kids” for working together to figure this out.

It is not easy. Some issues are easier than others. Figuring out his health insurance is a nightmare for one. Geez, I went to college and can read. It is impossible to make heads or tails with some of these things. Don’t get me started on medicare! I'm definitely not ready to have the conversation about whether he should be driving yet. We are NOT going there yet!

When did I become an adult? I remember when our first child was born and all our visitors left and I was left alone with a crying baby. I felt this weight on my shoulders that I knew would never go away. But now with Jack to take care of, I feel like an uber-adult, moreover the uber-caretaker. We all have baggage about our relationships with our parents. I wonder if relationships with our in-laws are even more skewed because we are adults and want to be civil and respectful. Maybe it is just me, but I treat Jack better than my own parents because, well, he isn't my father. I can't yell at him, like I would if I were a teenager. But there are moments when I admit I treat him like my third child. Speak slowly, try to listen and repeat, repeat, repeat.

It's funny though that all that "growing up baggage" gets in the way and filters our approach to care.
Its been interesting to watch how it affects his sons. I never hated Jack for not showing up at my game. I never wished that he was cooler or gave me a car. I never had expectations that he was going to save the day and solve all my problems. No, I see him as the man he is - and that is all I can do. I supppose I have some expecatations of what grandpas should do - you know spoil the kids, buy them ice cream and tell jokes. He fulfills those expecations for me, so I guess in that regard I owe him for giving my kids those memories.

Regardless, Jack- the spunky senior, has quite a few more years ahead of him. My hope is that we (the brothers and I) are able to get through the logistics of aging and caring for a parent quickly. Then we can spend our energy on enjoying the time we have together. My life is fuller because of my family. My days are filled with soccer practices, dance class and macaroni and cheese lunches. Jack brings glaucoma surgery, doctor’s appointments and visits with lawyers and accountants. He also brings the lesson of patience, perseverance and laughter.

Uber adult and caretaker – that’s me and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Though a good bottle of red wine, a massage and vacation every now and then would be nice☺

School year resolutions

6:30 a.m.

It's here! I can smell it. The first day of school. The alarm has not even gone off yet, no one is awake yet. The house is quiet. I have always loved the first day of school. Maybe it is the possibility of it all, the excitement of being able to crack open the new box of crayons or writing on the first page of my new note book. I know it's not my first day of school - but I'm excited for the Pokemon Obsessed One, aka C! The first day of third grade! As of now, we are not even late yet! We might even be there early. Yeah!

For me the first day of school is just as bad as New Year's, in that I make just as many "School Year resolutions" and often mess up by the end of the first week. But not this year!!!

My resolutions for the new school year:
*Be on time (ugh! gettin' out of the house on time is always a small miracle)
*Pack Healthy snacks - okay, chocolate is healthy sometimes right?
*Take note when hot lunch is not being served, so that I can pack a healthy lunch and not buy a lunchable or drop of McDonald's at the last minute.
* Be present after schoool - that is no working, emailing, blogging when I should be checking homework, playing games or making dinner.
* Be physically present - As a WAHM, I technically can choose my clients, so I'm going to try to find clients that understand me needing to be at practice.
* Enjoy every minute of it - savor the time with the kids, rather than be bitter that I am at soccer practice insted of a spa. It sure beats being in a dumb meeting!

I know this sound so optimistic, so sugary sweet, so unreasonable. Hey it's early, I am still on time and I've already packed C's snack for the day in his back pack. I am batting a 1000! Go mommy! Tommorrow is a whole 'notha day...

Epilouge:
9:30 a.m.
We made it on time, early even! I made pancakes and eggs. We didn't forget the backpack or snack or to brush teeth. Yup, we are livin' large at our house. Tommorrow it's back to cereal and juice.

Buy Yu Gi Oh Cards on Ebay today!

Yesterday, I attended the Craig's List Boot Camp and attended great session on Ebay's Giving Works Program. It allows non profits to auction items directly and it also allows individuals to hold auctions and donate proceeds to a non profit of their choice.

What fantastic timing! I was just talking to my seven year old about cleaning his room and his desire to own a Wii. Well since I was not forking over the $400 for the system and he had no money, we were at an impasse. Taking out the garbage and doing extra chores are only going to take him so far (Did I mention that he is only 7?), so we thought we'd have to have a garage sale. Ugh!

But low and behold, there was ebay to save the day. We decided to put what mommy learned into action and test it out. Being a seller was fairly easy. Finding a charity on the other hand was the challenge. I was surprised to find that of the 11,000 organizations signed up that only 9 were based in San Jose, our home town and ebay's hub. Yikes! It really is easy, agencies should take the 10 minutes to sign up. You start by registering at Missionfish. Individuals can also nominate organizations.

We also recorded a short fundraising video that is a new feature on ebay. Now how do you say no to a face like that?

I don't have high hopes that he is going to make the millions he is hoping for, but I am proud to say that we spent a few hours together working on this valuable lesson on making money and the value of money. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it sells and that he learns that making a buck can also mean the less fortunate can win too.

So go out there and bid on the Yu Gi Oh cards! Please help him clean his room! I'm beggin' y'all!

Support this 7 year old as he cleans out his room by buying his Yu Gi Oh Cards.

This is also posted at Starfish Circle and SV Moms Blog.

Which celebrity do you think I look like?

I was feeling kinds glamourous thing morning.  But who knew that I really could be mistaken for Lucy Liu or Lisa Ling. 

This is a hoot.  Which one do you think looks like me? 

David Hasselhoff, yes of Baywatch and Knight Rider also popped up as a possible match...hmmm. 

Get one done for you.  Its free at Myheritage.com.

One mamas view on the momosphere

You'd have to be living under a rock if you have not heard about the conversations swirling about race and bloggers. There have been some amazing posts by CityMama and Mocha Momma detailing the situation with marketeers who had "no idea what to do with communities of color" at the BlogHer Conference. This ignited a larger discussion. There have been countless others reacting to what happened, intelligently bringing the conversation to a deeeper, more authentic place. In particular, I found Jason from Daddy in a Strange Land's thoughts so right on. I found myself nodding the whole time.

In all honesty, I have never been the one to make a scene. Never the one to raise my fist in protest, but rather have always needed to take it back, digest it and then formulate my opinion. Maybe it was from growing up with a "don't rock the boat" mentality from my immigrant parents - who for most of my life did what they could to fit in in America, rather than stick out. Blogging has helped me kick that attitude.

I was there at the Blog Her conference in the room where it all came down. It was disappointing, frustrating and infuriating. I am a new blogger and came to the conference thinking that I would learn about the nuts and bolts of blogging, and was surprised to spend more time learning more about the politics of blogging. In my obvious naivete, I did not spend anytime thinking about how mommybloggers of color were not pitched to by marketers. I had noticed that there was not a dearth of blogs written by women of color, but chalked that up to my lack of tech/search skills and time to explore the vast blogosphere. I also mused about why we got potholders, nasal spray and gum in the swag bags. Did the marketers expect us to write about these things for free? Is this what they thought what mommy's or women in general wanted? I blindly went to BlogHer thinking most things in the blogosphere were equal - duh! Thanks for opening my eyes.

Regardless, I want to respond to Kelly's/Mocha Mom's question at the end of her post - "Where were you, Mommybloggers? I needed you."

While yes there were many women who have responded with a resounding, "I had my hand up!" or "I wanted to talk more about that". There were many of us who remained silent because we did not think anyone would hear or try to listen. When I stumbled upon filipinamamas.com, I was so excited to find a space where we could explore parenting through a pinay lens. Is it different from my non-pinay lens? Do I have a non-pinay lens? No! My parenting style is a reflection of my upbringing and rebellion from a Filipino upbringing. Yes, marketers and blog readers, I bring all that to my writing. Most women of color bring all that to our writing and our parenting. We bring all that and buy deodorant, watch TV and drive cars, just like our caucasian counterparts.

Mocha Momma, where were the mommy's who had your back? I for one, was stuck in my head trying to understand where others thought my place in the blogosphere should be. I spent the next few days clarifying what I think that place should be. Filipinas have a unique parenting perspective. I hope this space is a start to educate others, more importantly I hope it is a place for us to connect, support each other, exchange Spam recipes and build community. (Hey, there's a sponsorship we should be able to lock down!) This Pinay momma has your back, is inspired by your courage and will continue to write on the blogosphere to shed light on this inequity. I'll be there at BlogHer 08 to continue this conversation live.

I look forward to continuing this conversation online with you all.

This was originally posted to filipinamoms.com

Silicon Valley Summer Camp Recap

My son is at his last day camp of the season! Whew, we made it. On the other hand, yikes, where has the summer gone? I blogged a few months ago worried, that I over-booked my son with camps. As a child, I never went to camp, so this has been a whole new world. We tried a few new ones and went to some old stand bys. Over all the summer has been a blast. (The whole family is in bit of shock thinking that school will be here again in less than 2 weeks.) Here is my roundup of camps for an entering third grade boy. I'd love to hear what you all thought of the camps you sent your children to - what were the winners and low points? (Most of these are South Bay/ San Jose focused.)

YMCA Swim lessons: Gotta Love them really! I signed my 4 year old and 7 year old for tandem classes. We took two sessions - the first one, early in the summer was packed and loud. I wasn't sure they actually learned anything. Btu it was graet for when the weather was in the 90s. We are finishing up the last week now and it is like he has private lessons. We Heart the YMCA pool.

Youth Science Institute: Bike and Hike program. My son rode his bike for miles through Vasona Park and then also learned about ecology, dissected a fish and visited the Los Gatos History Museum. He learned alot and came home nice and tired! He even wore hs helmet the whole time - now that is progress. This could have been miserable if we were in the middle of a heat wave. Luckily, the weather was perfect!

Off the Wall Indoor Soccer Camp: Talk about heaven for my 7 year old. Playing indoor soccer meant air-conditioning! It also meant playng on astro turf, which was definitely different and took some getting used to. The coaches from World Cup Soccer were great, very enthusiastic and played along side the kids. He came home extra sweaty and dirty!

Bellarmine High School Multi-Sports Camp: This was another great 1/2 day camp choice. My son learned new sports and revisted ones from my youth, like kickball and dodgeball. While my son had a great time, he was most impressed by the cafeteria the high school kids has access too! "Mom, they could buy chilli dogs, Top Ramen and candy, sweet!"

Nike MultiSports Camp at Santa Clara University: Yes, another sports camp - obesity will not be an issue for this kid. This one was a full day camp, with yet another stellar cafeteria. This one was run by college student atheletes on campus, so it gave my son a glimpse of what college could be like. "All you can drink soda with a sandwich bar that had white bread" now that is a ringing endorsement for attending college according to my 7 year old!

Internal Drive Tech Camp: Make your Own Video Game camp: This was the pricey one of the season, but wow, it was worth it. After a week, my son came home having made his own video game. I was so impressed! He made an airplane maze game with a gun that made farting noises - yes, the joys of having a 7 year old boy! It was pricey, but we may consider it again.

Some things I learned: 1.) Sign them up with a friend so you can carpool. 2.) Always have snacks ready after swim class. and 3.) Book the indoor camps for when it is REALLY hot outside.

There are so many options for camp these days, it was overwhelming to choose. I can't wait to hear what you all have been up to.