XiaolinMama

Me and my BFF Maria Shriver

Balancing it all @ Yahoo! Video

Representing Silicon Valley Moms Blog, I recently had the honor of chatting one-on-one with California First Lady Maria Shriver about the CA Legacy Trail.  We talked about motherhood and balancing our hectic lives.  Having watched her on television for years and having been privy to an intimate gathering of SVMB bloggers, I felt like she was a girlfriend I saw once a year.  I knew she was smart, approachable and an interview pro, so I was able to do the interview without throwing up from nerves. (Besides, I was dazzled by her shiny white teeth.) If you have read any of Maria's books, you know that she is the real deal.  The kind of woman who tells you like it is and won't sugar coat it.   The kind that is determined, has fought for her accomplishments and is not hesitant to put the spotlight on issues for which she cares deeply.   

Closer to home, I also asked Maria about how she "does it all" and was surprised to hear her say simply she doesn't and can't.  Hmm... given that in order to do the interview in the first place, I had to find a last minute baby sitter and do my make up in the hotel bathroom (as it was the only place of peace I could find to actually apply eyeliner), her sage advice or non-advice is was exactly what I needed to hear.   Actually, as she shared her thoughts on motherhood, the whole room - crew and staff-  all laughed in relief to find that looks are deceiving.  We are ALL simply doing our best to keep it together.  In some ways, it is comforting to know that she is a regular gal.  On the other hand, it doesn't give me much hope to even dare that one day it might be possible - guess I better readjust expectations and redefine what being a modern day mom  really means.  I suppose that is why blogging is so important - as we collectively redefine modern motherhood with every post.  According to Maria Shriver, being a good girlfriend means telling it like it is.

Watch our interview about the Legacy Trail here.

California Legacy Trails @ Yahoo! Video

California has the BEST First Lady ever - a "good girl friend" to us all.  Enough said. 

Read the original post at  Silicon Valley Moms Blog.

Holiday dance class

My Letter to a Nine Year Old

Dear C,

You are nine today - which means you have been in my thoughts and heart for over a decade.

Today we celebrated your birth with a bowling party, it was chaotic, loud - and perfect. Just like you. I watched you laugh and joke with your friends. I watched you as you bowled with confidence and could tell that you felt safe around these boys - from school, soccer and neighborhood and your aunties and uncles.   They were all there because you, my dear boy are a loyal friend and a good kid.  You are loved.

This year, you have begun to come into your own. You stand taller and actually are coming out of your typical quiet shell.  You spoke with your grandmother tonight and had a LONG conversation. I was bowled over by the sheer joy you had on your face recounting the details of your party.  You are not typically a talker (unless it is about video games) - but wow, things are a changin'.

Over the past few months, I have caught myself wondering, "is that MY son?"  You are becoming a boy, not a baby.  You are ready first in the morning, are pushing back when the family jokes with each other and show patience and tenderness (usually) when playing with your little sister.  I marvel at how tall you have grown in the last few months and was shocked to find that you have such big feet in comparison to your chums...hmmm?  You are going to be taller than I thought.  You are not mushy and cuddly any more, there is NO baby fat on you.    You are gangly, but run like a beautiful gazelle.  I have hugged you more lately, readjusting my expectation of a returned sloppy kiss. 

I love to have real conversations with you. You are incredibly observant and have the memory of an elephant. You can call me on my Sh*t.  Yes, sometimes mommies are not as neat as they could be.  Whatever - I am the mom here. 

You are funny, athletic, thoughtful and smart. Your dad and I have such high expectations, sometimes it amazes me that you can live up to them. Like us, you are born first.  You are the responsible one, the one we think should know better and the one who generally actually  listens. This is the first time you have struggled with school. It has been amazing to watch your thought process and how you learn. I know you will be fine.

Thanks for teaching me to be a mother. For reminding me daily that things change and I better pay attention.  Thanks for being sensitive and reminding me that despite all that growth, you are still my baby boy and that there are times when only your mama will do.

Love,
Mom

Techmama's HP Magic Giveaway - My nomination, Akemi and PACT

Beth at Tech Mamas has a great giveaway - an fatty HP prize package.   It is awesome!  You should nominate someone.  Iam nominating Akemi Flynn and PACT one of my favorite organizations.  Check it out.  If we get picked as one of the top 20, then I'll need your votes to win over $6000 in prizes which will be quickly donated to PACT.   Even if we don't get that far - PACT is an organization you NEED to know about.  Watch this video.  It will inspire you - I promise.

NOTE: I didn't win, but I am going to enter the same HP giveaway contest over at the Living in Theory Blog.  So cruise over there and check out another great blog.  You should enter too!  Hero Daddy and Shellie won and certainly deserved it. Congrats and wish me luck.

PICK PACT AND AKEMI for the TechMama's (and Living in Theory's) HP Magic Giveway!
Community Organizers got a bad wrap this past election cycle.  But we all know that organizers are the ones who work for little pay and behind the scenes to make big things happen.  In Silicon Valley - the land of plenty, there are many that live in the shadow of the venture capitalists, Steve Jobs types and internet gurus.  They are the ones who clear dishes at restaurants, provide janitorial services, stock our grocery store shelves and teach our children.

I am nominating my friend Akemi Flynn for this honor because she is a community organizer - both formally and informally.  The organization she works for is People Acting In Community Together (PACT).  Yesterday, I had the honor of attending a fundraiser and was moved to tears by this video.  Akemi and PACT work to ensure that everyday people lead the change they need, like health care and safe after-school programs.  Her organization is on the front lines of fighting for quality education for students in East San Jose.  They recently led the ONLY local summit to help our elected officials see how home foreclosures are affecting people in Silicon Valley.  They give regular folks the tools to advocate for themselves - to take power and to have the confidence to make change.  Akemi, PACT and the leaders they organize are a vision to behold.  I promise you would be blown away!

How would they use the HP Magic package?  Personally, I would keep the HP Mini, but donate the rest of the package to Akemi and PACT.  They have a plan to create a team of community bloggers, who will write the stories of Silicon Valley's neediest.  They will train grandparents, monolingual spanish speakers and youth to gather the stories and move people to action.  Again - real people telling their stories and engaging others to be part of their movement .  These tools are vital in helping them kick start this effort.

On another note, Akemi teaches sunday school at the Mountain View Buddhist Temple.  She is also a First 5 commissioner, where she volunteers tirelessly to make sure that all kids in Silicon Valley under the age of 5 have access to the resources they need to grow up healthy.  Most importantly, she is a mother who tries to keep it together. She is not perfect. She forgets to eat lunch, she picks up take out for dinner and sometimes doesn't put her laptop away when she should.  But we (her family and friends) love her.  Our community is lucky to have her working behind the scenes.  She is a true hero  and she works with hundreds of other folks to see that they are heroes too. 

SVMB Dine and Dish: Money, the Holidays and the Good List

Dine and Dish-Nov 2008 @ Yahoo! Video

Santa baby, I wanna yacht,
And really that's not a lot,
Been an angel all year,
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight.

Santa honey, there's one thing I really do need,
The deed To a platinum mine,
Santa honey, so hurry down the chimney tonight.
-Eartha Kitt, "Santa Baby"

I recently had the honor of hosting Silicon Valley Moms Blog's "Dine and Dish" webisode, where five kick-butt bloggers and I chatted about the economy and the holidays.  We drank wine. We laughed. We commiserated about the pressure to keep up with the Jobs-es (our version of the Jones-es) in Silicon Valley and then we laughed even more at the notion of even trying.  Most of us are just hoping to keep it together this year. 

The economy is affecting all of us - whether it is causing us to worry about what is left of our retirement funds to thinking more strategically about what our kids really need or don't for holiday gifts.    Many of us are going back to holiday traditions, like hosting low-key potlucks, staying close to home and forgoing lavish vacations. For example, at my household, Santa's bag is going to be a lot lighter.  We talked at length about how this season is the perfect time to teach the valuable lessons of generosity, love and community building.  It is the right time to teach our kids about privilege and poverty.  But it's not easy.

My 5YO daughter got the Target gift catalog and promptly circled everything pink, sparkly or anything with Hannah Montana's picture on it.  When I asked her about what she was doing - she replied, "I think I am going to be on Santa's Good list".  With the marker in her left hand and catalog in the right,  I didn't think she was in the right frame of mind to get the whole "you are a lucky kid" conversation.    She didn't completely, but her 9 YO brother did get it and was able to boil his gift list down to just a few items and helped to wrap presents we bought to donate to the Family Giving Tree.  Whew, I'm doing something right.

I learned a lot at dinner.  Beth, Glennia, Jill, Kimberly and Lia each had different approaches to what is going to work for their families.   It was clear that these women love their children fiercely.  Having money or not to spend gifts doesn't change that.  They are brilliant and have an opinion about EVERYTHING.  When times are tough, it is good to have a community of girlfriends who get where you are coming from and love you anyway.

The best presents are the ones that don't cost a cent.  Some inspirational music from one of my favorites, the Beatles, to keep you going this season. 

Can't buy me love, love
Can't buy me love

I'll buy you a diamond ring my friend if it makes you feel alright
I'll get you anything my friend if it makes you feel alright
'Cause I don't care too much for money, money can't buy me love

I'll give you all I got to give if you say you love me too
I may not have a lot to give but what I got I'll give to you
I don't care too much for money, money can't buy me love

Can't buy me love, everybody tells me so
Can't buy me love, no no no, no

Holding Hands

Last week I had the luxury of going to my neighborhood diner - all by myself for 45 whole minutes!  Just me, toast, coffee and my daily planner.  The place was packed. To my left, a couple of young hipsters - a hair dresser and a musician.  Both chatted away loudly and excitedly about holiday parties and their weekend adventures.  (These tables were close people!)  To my right were an elderly couple in their 70s, who were having breakfast in what must have been their "usual" spot as evidenced by the waiter's familiarity with their special needs -  slightly warmed up milk in a tall cup and a tea extra hot.  I sat squarely in the middle both literally and figuratively. 

I looked at the youngsters and could not help but think about what it was like to be at the beginning of a relationship, when all is new and you just can't get enough of that new person.  They held hands.  She looked at him longingly.  It was obviously a new love.  The elderly couple spoke about their volunteering at the local hospital.  They read the paper, had their beverages and held hands too.  They had the hands solidly denoting a love that is assured - one that has been tested over the years and has endured.  Maybe I was reading too much into their interactions.  Maybe I was just hormonal. 

Life at our house is super hectic - the kids, taking care of a sick grandparent and jobs.  The weeks go by quickly and weekends even faster.  Who has time to hold hands? 
The experts say a "date night" is essential to keeping the flame in your marriage lit. Is that it?  How about 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep, a personal assistant to take care of all the "little things" that occupy my time, like laundry and reports  or B12 pills to help with my memory issues?  My dear husband and I are way past the puppy love phase. I am thankful for him - some days more than others. So if we make it through parenthood then maybe we'll be like the elderly couple.  I'll be having a mimosa though.